The All Male Show
 

by Hutchlover

Welcome to the All Male Show!  The show by men, for men, and about men!  I'm your host Huggy 'Squeeze Me' Bear.  And here are your favorite two partners:  Ken Hutchinson and Dave Starsky!

{Applause by the audience}

"Welcome buddies."  Starsky waved to the audience as he sat down in his easy chair, noticing there was a large spattering of females.  He turned to the blonde that had sat down next to him.  "And how's your day going babe?"

"As if you didn't know."  Hutch grumbled loudly, mostly for the audience's benefit.  They ate up the banter between the two hosts.  "You took long enough in the bathroom this morning."

"Ah yes."  Starsky turned outward.  "Audience, do you ever have a partner taking a bad mood to extremes just because you needed to look your best in the morning."  Starsky flashed his thick lashes just for his partner, and continued.  "So today we're gonna talk about how to make your bathroom a more pleasurable place for you and your partner."

"And then I'm gonna bring the designers home with us!"  Hutch retorted back.

"Oh hush you big lug."  Starsky leaned over and patted his buddy's knee, "and let's go visit our new bathroom."

{A large panel at the left side of the stage slides open, revealing a gleaming white and black bathroom}

The two men walk over to the glistening room with lots of lights and smoky mirrors.

"Where's the first place a man goes to every morning when he walks into his john?"  Asks Hutch.

"The toilet!"  Shouts the audience.

"Right!"  Exclaims Starsky.  "But what about those morning when you're hung over, sore, or just plain tired from last night's activities" he elbowed his partner "to make the effort to take your pecker out of your briefs?"  He pushes a button, "Well with this little hand helper, you don't need to worry.  It takes care of all your needs for you."  From within a small partition a white-gloved hand comes out and flexes its fingers.

"That's right.  For all your personal needs from holding your manhood for better aim, while you rub the sleep from your eyes," he pushes another button, "to vibrato in the event your partner doesn't give you satisfaction and you don't want to take care of it yourself."  The curly haired imp grins at his partner.

Hutch grimaced.  "Hey I wasn't the one who fell asleep before his needs got taken care of!"  He said affronted.

Pushing another button, the hand w/drew and the partition closed.

"And over at the sink," Hutch walked to the smoky black framed mirror, "there's all the necessities to make you look, and feel, your best."  He opened the mirror, revealing three large shelves.  "K-Y, shaving cream and razors so you don't give your partner rug burn, Vaseline, q-tips, aspirin for those sore muscles, toothbrush and toothpaste, mouthwash to get rid of the left over taste you don't want to go to sleep with, and other assortments of goodies as your needs desire."

"But what about the bath?"  Starsky asked the audience.  "I mean that's really what it gets right down to in the homo bathroom, right?"

"YEAH!"  Yelled the audience with gusto.

Behind a large mirrored wall, is revealed a black tub.  "Black tub you ask?"  Hutch wipes it with his hand.  "Because I look good in black, right Starsk?"

"Right Hutch," the other rolled his eyes, "and because black doesn't show any stains.  And this tub is oversized, with enough room for more than two."

"Or if there's only two, enough room to play in."  Smirked the blonde.  "We'll show you."  He turned around toward the back of the stage.  "Simonetti?  Dryden?"

Two tall men, one white and one dark, both wearing loose bathing suits, got into the tub facing each other.

Hutch waved his hand over the men.  "Look at all that room."

"And if you don't want to do the work yourselves..." Starsky interjected and pushed a button on the top rim of the tub.

A loud whooshing sound of water being generated and stirred sounded over the stage.  "There's thirteen built in whirlpool jets with three different modes."  Starsky continued.  "Relaxing, massaging, and ass pounding!"

Simonetti got on his hands and knees and lowered his buttocks two inches from the powerful jet spray.

{The crowd erupted in cheers and crude noises.}

Starsky laughed loudly at the crowd's display, "And don't forget the bath towels."  He tossed one to each former IA officer as they removed themselves from the tub, "here you go guys."

"Towels can be a great way prelude for bedtime activities."

The two participants languidly wiped each other down.  "And they're available for parties too!"  Starsky pointed at the two.  "They do a great Laverne and Shirley impersonation".

Hutch chuckled at his partner's dig and directed the audience's attention to another part of the bathroom.  "A bath's for playtime, for actual washing up you need a shower.  Let's take a look and see what that offers, shall we?"  He waved his arm out for his partner to go ahead of him across the stage.

"Now the perfect shower stall should be able to hold two people," both men stepped inside, "have several adjustable nozzles" Starsky pointed to three on one of the walls.  One at head height, one at torso level, and one at groin level.

"And for washing capability you need, what?"

"SOAP!"  Shouted the audience.

"Soap and a bath loufa."  Starsky whipped out a dildo shaped soap bar with a large loufa hanging beneath it in the shape of a scrotal sack.

"And don't forget this little gizmo, Starsk."  Hutch pointed to a third knob between the faucets.  "Oil for making that skin baby smooth when you're finished."

"Let's try it Hutch, shall we?"

The two hosts removed their shirts revealing well-sculpted torsos- one dark and hairy, the other broad and tanned.  Hutch squirted some bath oil on his hands and began to swirl the fluid throughout the other's hair on his chest.

Starsky followed, but smoothed the oil down the front of his partner's chest.

After several seconds of petting, the two turned to the camera.  "I think now's about the time we need to go to commercial.  Bulls, lead the way!"  Shouted Starsky.

All through the audience young, tanned, muscular men in tight briefs began pumping barbells and flexing arms and legs to the audiences approval.

{After a short commercial break, our program continues with our hosts back in their lounge chairs in the center of the stage.}

Starsky had an oblong object in his hands and was eating it, licking the left over cream off his lips invitingly.

"Eating again Starsk?"

"Mmm... Love these blintz's, babe.  Gotta eat me a blintz every day."  He leered at the blonde.

The blonde sitting next to him blushed at the implication.  "I guess that brings us to our next topic today:  Food, and what to pack for the best picnic lunch."

"Do tell, Hutch."  Starsky leaned back in his chair.

"The perfect male lunch should include beer, of course."

"In long neck bottles, right?"

"What else, mushbrain?"

"Well that takes care of the beverage, but I want something more substantial to fill my tummy."  Starsky lifted his shirt and rubbed his stomach.

Hutch leaned over and patted it gently.  "You always do.  So how about for starters, some fresh vegetables?"  He leaned over the chair and brought out a picnic basket, setting it on his lap.

The darker man grimaced, "Not quite what I had in mind buddy."

"Tough, you didn't want to help me pack."  He opened up the basket.  "Let's see....how about some carrots and dip?  He dipped one long pointed vegetable into the creamy white dip and sucked the end before taking nibbling, suggestive bites.

"For the main course, we have – what else – footlongs!"  And Starsky reached over and into the basket pulling out a three-foot hotdog.  "Hey Babe!  Just like you!"

Pulling out another phallic food, Hutch waved a pickle in front of Starsky's nose.  "How about a nice, juicy pickle to go with that hot dog Starsk?"

Juice dribbled down the sides, and onto the large fingers, whereby Starsky licked it off, dragging his tongue slowly up the hand to the tip of the pickle and sucking on the sides before reaching the top.

Clearing his throat Hutch pulled back and reached for more food items.  "For a snack, just for you Starsk, I packed some Hot Fries.  Crunchy, stiff, and yet not too filling."  He opened the package and stuffed a few into his partner's mouth.

"Mmm, what'cha got for desert there Hutch?"

"How about a nice banana..." Starsky scrunched up his face before Hutch continued, "for me, and a banana cream pie for you."

"Now you're talking Babe!"  The curly haired man dipped his fingers into the pie and began licking the white cream off his fingers, twining his tongue in between each digit.

Meanwhile, the blonde took the banana in his mouth and peeled it with his teeth, gently removing the outer wrapping as if he were unzipping a pair of pants.  He then mouthed the banana before deep-throating it; his eyes closed and moaning in ecstasy.

"Oh shit."  Whispered Starsky, as he adjusted himself.  "I think we need to take another commercial break.  Uh, Bulls?  Strut your stuff!"

Again, the young men in tight briefs canvassed the studio audience showing off their 'assets' and their asses.

Picnic basket now put away, both men held cards in their hands.  "Now comes the time we take questions from our audience."  Hutch mentioned.  "First up is a question from Anne of Hanover."  He looked into the audience toward the group of women.  "Which one's Anne?"

A short woman with bobbed dark hair stood up.  Huggy walked over to her and pointed the microphone in her face.

"Hey?  What's with all the women today?"  Starsky interjected.

"Oh, we're all members of 'Huggy's Playground'.  A fiction writing universe."  Anne looked up at the tall black man who beamed back.

"Cool.  And what's your question, Anne?"  Continued the curly haired host.

"Well, we were wondering, what do you get out of sex with another man?  I mean, you what's wrong with a pretty, soft woman?"

"It's not about body parts.  It's about love."  Hutch answer primly.

A fine-boned hand stroked his cheek.  "Sure babe, whatever you say.  Though the sex ain't half bad either."

{The men in the audience whoop it up.}

Anne sits down, and Starsky reads a card.  "Okay, Steve from Longmead wants to know what to avoid when pulled over by a cop.  Steve, where are you?"

A young, pimply faced college student stood up in the back, while Huggy climbed up the stairs to greet him.  "Hi!  I just wanted to say, I love this show."

"Thanks Steve."  Replies Starsky, while Hutch nods in agreement.

"So you want to know what NOT to do, huh?  Well, don't get down on your knees and offer to blow him if he'll let you off."

{Steve blushes and the crowd roars.}

"Food bribes work just as well, especially beer and donuts, and won't get you arrested on a morals charge afterward."

Steve sits down and another woman raises her hand and waves it.  "I have a question for Huggy!"  She exclaims.

"Well, my dear, the bear's all ears – literally and figuratively.  What can I do for you?"  He gushes.

"You're a good looking man.  How can I get someone like you interested in someone like me?"

"My dear, I think that question is best left for later; say after dinner?"  He grinned and leaned toward the blushing blonde.

The audience responded with a loud chant.  "Huggy Bear, Huggy Bear.  Grrrrr!"

Rolling his eyes, Hutch directed the activities back to them.  "All right.  We've got time for one more question.  This one is from Carl from Kansas."

"I'm Carl."  A fairly good-looking cowboy with longish blond hair and a large nose stood up.  "What's the best way to come out of the closet?"

"Well, unless you want to shock someone; not backwards."  Joked Starsky.  "But usually feet first works best."

Rolling his eyes at his partner's lame jokes, Hutch answered seriously.  "Be yourself.  If you're not comfortable, don't do it.  No need to make an announcement, unless flamboyance is your style."

"Well that's all the time we have for our show today, so let's have a toast..."

{The audience raises their beer mugs}

"Slishy, slashy, slishy, slashy.  Oh, oh, oh!"

"Now it's time for men in tight pants playing touch football!"  Both detectives shout after they take a gulp from their mugs.  "See you next time, when we demonstrate extra curricular uses for our lounge chairs!"

{Cut away to outdoor park with young college men in tight rayon pants and with lots of wiggling asses and large bulges, to the sounds of cheers and roars from the audience.}